February 7, 2020

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Guest Author

Self-Partnered Survival Guide

There is no shame in being self-partnered, and to prove it we reached out to our friends on instagram and asked them to help us make a Self-Partnered Survival Guide. And here it is.

For most folks, February can be a really hot or cold month, depending on the year. For us here in NYC, it’s literally cold, and most of us our gritting our teeth and repeating the mantra: “we just have to get through February” as the call of Spring  grows closer. The best and most important part of February is certainly Black History Month, as Black History should be celebrated all year long. But there is one thing that not everyone can agree on, and that is Valentine’s Day. The most hallmark holiday of all hallmark holidays.  For some, it is a wonderful way to tribute partnership and love. For others, it can feel like a massive pressure to be coupled up. At MyWellbeing we support all kinds of relationships, but especially the relationship you have with yourself.  There is no shame in being self-partnered, and to prove it we reached out to our friends on instagram and asked them to help us make a Self-Partnered Survival Guide. And here it is:

  1. Take yourself out to do your favorite things!
  2. Taking yourself on a great date is an art form.
  3. You don’t need a partner to have fun adventures! Going alone or with friends is great.
  4. I think the more clarity you gain in yourself, the more simple relationships become.
  5. Treat yourself to a new vibrator.
  6. Dancing with yourself is a beautiful thing.
  7. Palentine’s day!!!
  8. Romantic relationships can be wonderful, but require negotiating and complications and discomfort and compromise. Being with yourself can be the same, too, but there is a special simplicity in being self-partnered that deserves to be cherished while it can.
  9. Learning about myself and loving myself every damn day.
  10. Being 100% unapologetic about how I spend my time is beyond liberating.
  11. Order my fave food, light candles, masturbate and watch a movie.
  12. A relationship isn’t a destination, merely a part of life that may or may not happen.
  13. Get comfortable doing things alone and embrace it!
  14. Being single is not the purgatory between relationships.
  15. Being self-partnered is an amazing time to start or make therapy a priority. Being able to process your own self-education without constantly having to hold another person in mind can be such a gift.
  16. You can totally hate being single! Just try not to hate yourself!
  17. Celebrate perks of being single rather than what you’re “missing.”
  18. My therapist corrects me when I say I’m “by myself,” I’m not. I’m WITH myself.
  19. Movies, restaurants, and museums are all places you shouldn’t be afraid to go alone.
  20. Whole bed to yourself.
  21. My priorities, my schedule.
  22. Celebrate platonic relationships! If you see yourself eventually wanting to be in a long-term romantic relationship, it’s important to lay the foundation for lifelong friends now!
  23. Learn all the ways you need to feel loved so you never have to settle for anything else.
  24. Book that solo trip. Take that writing class. Take up all the space in the closet. Decorate your apartment exactly the way you like it.
  25. Fall in love with your passions and hobbies.
  26. Unlearn all the the things society has taught you about needing a relationship to be happy. Decide to enter one if and when you want to.
  27. Become totally obsessed with yourself.
  28. Remember that we are always in a relationship. With ourselves, our family, our friends, co-workers, baristas, our pets. We are always relating to people.
  29. Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely.
  30. Just because you are not in a relationship, doesn’t mean you can’t have intentional intimacy (read: HOT SEX) with whoever is lucky enough to spend time with you.
  31. Volunteer for an organization you believe in.
  32. If you have the space that day, use your emotional bandwidth to treat someone with kindness that day that looks like they need it. . And maybe that person will have the space for someone else the next day.
  33. Be your own best friend. Sometimes your best friend is sad, tired, depressed, anxious, angry etc. Be as patient with yourself as you would your best friend.
  34. Dining out alone. Best seats and take in the environment. When you’re not talking to someone, you can really take in your food and surroundings.
  35. Go on long walks with no destination.
  36. Talk to yourself, you’re pretty great.
  37. Print out an article. Read and underline it just for yourself. Ask yourself how you feel about it before googling how we should feel.
  38. Scream. Into a pillow. On the street. Clench your fists. Take big moans.
  39. Send yourself a photo where you think you look SO hot. Text yourself back like your friend that gasses you up like you are god’s gift to earth (God can be Ariana Grande). Because you are.
  40. Make a meal for yourself that reminds you of your childhood. See how you feel about it. Do you like it? Where does it bring you back to? Maybe you realize how far you’ve come.
  41. Find a show that makes you laugh out loud and plan a date with yourself to guiltlessly binge it.
  42. Take 5 mins when you wake up every morning to dance in your room. Srsly—wave your arms around!
  43. Before getting out of bed, smile for 5 breaths.
  44. Put post-its on your mirror or nightstand of 3 things you love about yourself, read daily.

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